Ocelot Sports

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Eurotrash Dildos and Knicks 6-0

By Pauly

Los Angeles, CA

Thursday Night Football! Not so exciting. Two atrociously shitacular AFC East teams… ironically neither named the Jets…. hard to imagine that, right? Miami at Buffalo. Talk about flipping cow turds. I’m glad I had to work on an assignment so I didn’t have to witness that shitshow.

I went with Buffalo in my pick’em pools only because they were the home team. I didn’t back either side of futility, even Miami getting points because that seemed utterly hopeless.

Wisdom of the Ocelot

When two shitty teams are playing each other on a nationally televised game… bet the UNDER.

Yep, we heeded the sagely Ocelot and went for the UNDER 45. After seeing the first quarter score… 13-7… I was shitting bricks. On pace for 80 fucking points?

Not to fear. Both teams were horrible so neither could put up more than a touchdown in the next three quarters. Final score 19-14. Yep that’s 33 points and waaaaaaay under. Ship it. Felt awesome to finally win a totals bet in the NFL. We’ve been struggling with getting the right sides all season.

The football game was our big bet of the night. We skipped college sports and just stuck with a trio of games in the NBA.

Thursday NBA action: UNDER 192 Brooklyn/Boston , Knicks +5.5, Denver -3

Felt great about the UNDER in the Nets/Celtics game because Rondo was sitting out. The damn computer HAL420 simulator spit out a total in the mid 180s. Thought we had an outside chance in the last minute… but never happened. Fucksticks on the fucking Nets couldn’t play defense and blew it. 0-1 to start the night.

But then… the impossible continued to be possible. The Amare-less Knicks won again. 6-0 to start the season after toppling the mighty San Antonio Spurs. Yep, the Knicks went deep in the heart of Texas and whooped the Spurs in the shadows of the Alamo. Melo had an off night, but the bench carried the team with J.R. Smith shouldering the bulk of the scoring load, and old man Rasheed Wallace getting some actual playing time (without getting into verbal fisticuffs with Spurs announcer and provocateur Sean Elliot), but it was Jason Kidd, who stepped it up with a sensational shooting spree in crunch time to put the Knicks ahead for good.

Kidd threw a monkey wrench in the plans of the Spurs. Hey, he’s old… older than me… which is old for the NBA… but every once in a while, a former star like Kidd can still bring it. He doesn’t have to do it every night, but he stepped up when the Knicks needed someone to hit some clutch shots with the game on the line.

The Knicks covered +5 and are 6-0 S/U and ATS. Unreal. They are playing like a legitimate Top 3 team from the East. More importantly, they pulled us even in hoops at 1-1.

The Knicks are 6-0 to start the season? The only undefeated team in the NBA? In the immortal words of Clay Davis… “Shiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiit!”

The Denver/Miami game was going to determine if the night was awesome, or if it was meh. I was leaning Denver -3 and the UNDER 202 because…

1) Miami was on the road playing back-to-back nights.

2) Miami was playing in the mile-high altitude of Denver.

3) Colorado now has legal weed, so all the groupies were hooking up Miami players with Colorado’s phinest herbs in the shire.

4) Dwyane Wade was going to sit out with a foot injury.

5) We backed Miami -1 the previous night against the Clippers and lost, so we want fucking revenge!

We skipped the under because Miami’s defense blows, so I estimated a 100+ from both teams. The play would have been the over then, but I got gun shy. Instead, we went with Denver -3. We had faith in a home team against a team on the shit end of a back-to-back.

I missed most of the game because of a deadline. I finished with about 4:20 left in the game. Denver was down by 5, but on the verge of a wicked comeback. They got close…. so very close… but Kenneth Faried almost gave me a heart attack with some missed free throws, but it was an ex-Knick who made me want to punch a hole in the wall.

Down 1 point, that fucking clown Galinari aka the Italian Rooster chucked up a three on a fast break. BIG FUCKING AIRBALL! He missed and that was the last real chance the Nugs had to win. The airball sucked the life out of me. I could feel a migraine erupting just below the surface of my forehead. The game was over. The Nugs lost. Miami won. We lost our wager.

Welcome to my shit list, you fucking Eurotrash dildo.

We finished the night ahead after a 1-0 big bet in NFL but a bitter 1-2 in the hoops realm. Overall in the NBA, we slipped to 22-18-2.

Filed under NBA NFL Knicks