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Philly Brown Bags, the Winless Wiz, and a Bobkittens Blowout

By Pauly

Los Angeles, CA

Monday Night Football. What a shit show. The suits must’ve been bumming. Preseason, the game looks great on paper because both teams were projected to be a lot better than what actually happened. Philly was supposed to be on top of the NFC standings with Cam Newton and Carolina coming to town. But Carolina sucks because they can’t play defense and Cam Newton throws too many INTs, and Philly is well…. Philly.

How bad has it gotten in Philly? The brown bags were out in force. It was a trend that started in the 1970s when fans were so embarrassed to be a fan (insert crappy team here _____) that they hid their shame with a grocery bag over their heads because they didn’t want friends at home to see them sitting in the stands.

We were all over Carolina -2.5 and they locked it up for us despite a rare offensive outburst by Philly. I honestly thought Philly’s D was going to step up and play hard only because they had shit-stained team with only 2 wins visiting them on their own turf. If there was ever a team to blowout on national TV, it’s the Carolina Panthers. Even under those circumstances, Philly’s D failed to show up in the second half. They got lucky with a few Newton-induced turnovers, which translated into a free Philly points in the first half. To Newton’s credit, the kid reduced his turnovers in the second half and Carolina won the battle of the trenches. Carolina got their third win while Philly players went diving for paper bags to put over their heads as they walked off the field.

It can’t get any worse than what drunken, bitter Jets fans did by trolling their own players at halftime with “Tebow save us!!” That was the Jets “good job, good effort” moment.

We whiffed on our UNDER 41 bet but we saved faced when Carolina covered. We finished a sick run in the NFL over the last two weeks at 17-5-2.

***

We had just a single game in the NBA… San Antonio -5.5 in our operation Fade the Wiz.

Of course, as soon as we stop Fading the Bobbkittens, they get absolutely blown out of the water during a trip to OKC. I was worried that OKC would struggle covering 12.5 even at home. I usually lean “dog” whenever NBA spreads get over double digits. But we decided to play it safe and pass.

Boy, were we wrong!

Yes, that’s not a typo or glitch. I thought something was fishy when I was on NBA Season Pass and saw that the Bobkittens only scored 24 points and it was 2 minutes into the 3Q. WTF?

I watched for a few minutes and OKC jumped out to a 51 point lead. I had never seen an NBA game with a lopsided score like that. It reminded me of those 1980s teams from Georgetown when Coach Thompson scheduled cream puff games versus D-III squads like Sr. Mary’s of the Immaculate Bleeding Heart.

Everyone bombarded me with texts… “WTF mate? Why didn’t we Fade the Bobkittens!”

Hey, we faded the Wiz and that wasn’t even close. Spurs were up by 20 for most of the night and won by 26… covering by 20! The Wiz are still winless. Yeah, they have Nene back but he’s playing limited minutes and they desperately miss John Wall. But even with healthy Wall and Nene, they are still a break-even team. For now, keep fading the Wiz especially on the road.

We also decided to re-tweak our position on the Bobkittens…. pass on them at home, but fade them on the road.

Anyway, we went 1-0 in the NBA… which is a part of our new approach of less is more. It seems when we only bet 1 NBA game a night, our record is much better than when we opt for 3 or 4 games a night. Right now, our record is a crap-tacular 37-31-2 and my goal is for us to go 13-4 over the next 17 picks instead of 10-7.

Oh, so I watched all of the battle of NYC hoops… the Knicks went to Brooklyn to take on the Nets. It was cool to hear Marv Albert broadcasting the game in his home borough. The KnicksĀ  had an off night and choked. The let the Nets beat them in OT when they ran out of gas. Melo and Ty Chandler scored 60+ combined, but no one else on the team scored in double digits. That lack of “spreading the ball around” hurt them because no one else could score. Ray Felton had an awful night from the floor and the Knicks actually missed Jason Kidd’s presence. Kidd played very well in the last couple weeks… and when Kidd makes positive contributions, then the team wins.

Now the Brooklyn Nets are ahead of the Knicks in the standings.

Check out Zach Lowe’s latest column about Andrew Bynum and the 10 things he likes and doesn’t like in the NBA.

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