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Soggy Fields, the Orlando Tragic, and Aussie Soccer

By Pauly

Los Angeles, CA

The weasel dick Cobra Commander (Commissioner Stern who I’m now dubbing “Cobra Commander” because he’s a deadly reptile and I’m having an overdose of childhood nostalgia) needed to show off his small penis, so he fined the San Antonio Spurs $250,000 for resting/sitting out/flying home four starters in a game against Miami. The Spurs will be shipping their fine to NBA HQs in nickels and pennies, just to piss off Cobra Commander.

How about the Knicks?

The Knicks spanked the Wiz and improved to 6-0 at home… one of best starts in decades. The Knicks are still doing this with Amare. I got scared and didn’t think the Knicks could win by double digits. I thought they get too over-confident (while the 1-12 Wiz were playing with a winning streak). Alas, they proved me wrong.

I saw a few troubling things in the game… mostly how the stagnant the other four Knicks’ players get when Melo gets the ball in ISO and puts his head down and goes to the hole.

Now, when Pablo Prigioni passed to other players not named Melo, he made it look like buttah. JR Smith had a sweat reverse dunk which he caught from a sweet pass from Pablo.

Friday night Sweat: Brooklyn -4, Sixers -3.5, Denver +5

We went 2-1 in the NBA. I’m not thrilled, but it is better than 1-2. Hey, 2-1 is .667… which is god-like over the long haul. We have too many 1-1 and 2-2 nights. Dreadful. 2-1 makes me feel chipper… and a cosmic pat on the back to let me know I’m doing something right. It’s math, right? All math. The computers have no bias. They simply crunch the numbers and we’re supposed to interpret them as humans. But in the end, we’re still betting on fellow humans. Injuries occur. They might be tired and sluggish. Their heads might not be in the game. Or on the flip side, they are fired up and energetic and as focused on revenge as a scorned gunslinger out of a Spaghetti Western.

Brooklyn easily covered against the Orlando Tragic and won by 12. Tale of the bombs. Nets went 11-20 from three point range and the Tragic went 1-11… with Gerald Wallace dropping 5 of 6 from waaaay downtown. Balanced scoring attack from all five Nets starters who scored in double digits.

The Sixers were added at the last second because I could not resist to Fade the Bobkittens. Jrue Holiday is fun to watch. He only scored 13 points but dropped 15 assists. Evan Turner also had a banner night with 25 points and 15 rebounds.

And then enter the Lakers. Had we bet the Lakers -5, they would have won by 1 or 2 points and we woulda whiffed on a cover. Alas, we took a side with the Nugs, but they got off to a slow start and were trailing by double digits early on, Whenever the Nugs got within 5 or 6 points, the Lakers would pull away and push the lead back over 10. That went on for three quarters until the Lakers flirted with a 20 point lead in the 4Q.How bad did it get for the Nugs? Iggy blew a wide open dunk, fought for the rebound with two Lakers, then missed a wide open layup. D’oh!

The Lakers ruined a perfectly good evening. We finished the night 2-1.


We had two other wagers…. one in college football and the other in Australian football.

My buddies are in Vegas and they wanted to bet a college football game… specifically the Pac-12 championship. I was originally leaning the OVER, but when we saw all the rain in NoCal (it was such a huge storm that SoCal caught some of it) the last two days, and rain scheduled during game time, we figured it would be a sloppy field and slippery ball. Had I lived on the East Coast and did not pay attention to the weather, I would bet the OVER 47. Instead, we were on the UNDER 47. I almost tore up the ticket in the 1Q. Too much scoring early. The defense showed up to play in the 2Q, but everything shit the bed in the second half. Meh. Fucking UCLA screwed us again!

We got a tip on Aussie soccer and found some value in fading the Brisbane Roar and backing Newcastle Jets. I was hesitant because of their nickname… the Jets. Yikes, all I could think of was Mark Sanchez and the Tim Tebow debacle. But my buddy BG lives in Brisbane and he was confident in the numbers. We took a shot at Newcastle +425 and missed. They lost 1-0. On a penalty kick no less!

The PK (see pick above) led to a 1-nil lead. Then came the red cards after a schoolyard like pushing match. They played 10 on 10 for the rest of the match. It was a stalemate in the second half and Brisbane won 1-nil. I watched most of the game after finding a steady stream online. I shoulda been resting/sleeping but I just had to sweat the action. Game started around 1am PT.

So far this year, we’re 0-2 in betting random soccer tips. We had one on Tijuana a few weeks ago in the Mexican leagues, which ended up in a draw.

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